Back From Vacation; Let the Fun Resume!

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It’s a new day and a Brand New Profile. Purely for the sake of sociological research (although it was my worst grade in college: hey the class was at 9 AM!) I have totally rewritten my profile. Gone is my addiction to MSNBC and Ancestry.com, and no mention of my dating blog. I am afraid that was scaring off potentials. I have attempted to offer it a bit more of a “spicy” tone.  Please advise what you think and FYI it is all so true!

I also added all new photos, especially that  particularly fabulous one of me in a bathing suit! The comments on Facebook have ranged from “you rocked it” to “You gorgeous”. So okay Steve, I finally forgive you for not inviting me to your BM!

To understand me, you need to know that: I am a hedonist, and an intellectual with a unique sense of humor. Tantalize my senses, challenge my beliefs and/or make me laugh and YOU will be grateful. I live a healthy lifestyle, work out regularly, but my “guilty pleasures” (for which I feel no guilt!) range from a great hot dog to caviar and dark chocolate. And I do believe in indulging myself when and as needed. I rarely drink, but when I do, I enjoy a fine Cabernet. I am a person of many contradictions.

But do guys even bother to read the profiles? Or is it all about the photos? In a discussion with my friend M, I  actually asked him about porn. Hey, how else can one learn important things? I had asked him if guys read it. His reply was enlightening to say the least: “Nah, we are too lazy, we just go for pictures!” Thanks, M.

I texted a man that I had been chatting with on Zoosk to ask his opinion of the new me. He replied: “Your profile is tantalizing. The picture of you in a bathing suit is pulse quickening and as I suspected you have a beautiful sexy body.”

Score!! So. Why hasn’t he asked me out yet? Thinks he’s not in my league? 😉

Then, he shared that if I had been in a bikini, he “would have had a heart attack.” Thank God I haven’t even owned a bikini since I was 15! I would not have wanted that on my conscience for anything!

My new profile/photos already seems to be generating more buzz, dare I say. Maybe I need to go back and pay again for more of these websites. My addiction is returning. But hey the sacrifices I make for my readers!

I heard back from a nice looking Shomer Shabbos guy from the Bronx.  Can I even be Shomer Shabbos? Weekends only? Mona? I am not entirely clear exactly what sacrifices are entailed, however I do know that having sex on Shabbos is a mitzvah(good deed); that one I could easily handle. Sadly, I never heard back from  my reply that I am “willing to take on challenges for love.” And, I have no clue which website he was from Jpeople? Jdate? I guess being “frum”(religious) is not my destiny.

I had stopped paying for OurTime. Then they shared that 385 folks have viewed my profile. 52 have left message and 43 have sent flirts. Hmm to pay or not to pay in order to find true love: that’s the conundrum.

I paid. The Results:

Too tall (6’4)

Too far (TX)

Too Serious

Too Young

Way Too tall (6’5) B from NYC sent me 4 messages! I admired his persistence, but his height could “present all sorts of logistical challenges.”

Wants to live a “Moral” life, obviously not the right man  for me.

One dude wrote they he’s “a normal guy looking for a normal girl.” Of course I wrote him back that I am “definitely not normal and would that be of concern?”

Another dude from NM

I may have hit pay dirt with a good looking guy from CT, 60, who thinks I am “elegant, beautiful and sexy”  Hard to disagree. So I definitely need to check him out now. When it’s just too tempting, my spidey sense goes off. Texted him anyway this morning, but no answer yet.

Then there was a message from Scooter( 58, Bloomfield, NM): “I like the great outdoors, grilling, jeeping, motorcycle riding, target shooting, weekend getaways, exploring, and golf. I enjoy playing the guitar and country western dancing. Chivalry is not dead! A man should still get the door for a woman, walk next to her side(preferably hand in hand).” Not so much my type, even if he wasn’t from NM.

Since posting that bathing suit photo  my popularity has really risen. Heard from:

A clown. Promised to make me laugh, but sadly lives in MA

A judge. That could be interesting if ONLY he would be willing to schlep to Peekskill. We are in “negotiations” over the distance now. For just once I would love to say: “Here comes de judge!”( A Laugh-In reference in case you are  young or had a limited childhood)

A talented photographer. I am cautiously optimistic. I appreciate talent and intellect. And he gave me his phone number!

A personal coach/writer, but he lives in NYC which apparently is the same thing as being from another state.

I am beginning to lose track of who I offered to see when I returned home. There is one very politically engaged guy who lives close by, but creepily he looks a lot like my older brother! My kids said absolutely NO  when I showed them his picture. But really why should I start taking their advice now? It’s not like they bother listening to me!

Oy vey. I know that I promised myself to unplug from online dating while I was away, but texting good looking guys while sitting by the pool sipping champagne was just too tempting. Okay, I lied, it was mainly sugar-free iced tea.  Not quite as posh an image.

I also heard again from my 30 year old adorable Jewish law student! Hey, he’s graduating this year. Could be worthwhile to know a hot young… lawyer. I mean one could say that God put him in my path for a reason. Lord knows I am tempted!! February is shaping up to be a more interesting month than anticipated!

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