Reflections

Silhouette young woman practicing yoga on the beach at sunset

It’s been six months now since I began blogging about online dating. My daughter wisely suggested that I take a deep breath and reflect back upon my journey: what I have discovered about myself, men, and online dating in general.

My first takeaway is that I CAN take out the garbage! The trick, it seems, is to actually remember what to put out on which day. That, in case you missed it, is a metaphor for: hey, I am a very competent person! Who knew? I had a loving/controlling husband who insisted on doing everything always HIS way. Given that I had never paid a bill in my life, I have become quite adept at online bill-pay (thanks, Mollie).

And so far, at least, the lights are still on and the phones are working. Cooking again, even for one, has become a pleasure. Filing taxes myself will be my next hurdle, but I don’t anticipate being put in jail any time soon.

Living without my husband is hard, more excruciating than I could have imagined. Our lives, raising three children together, working together, retiring together were totally entwined and the pain is always there. And if anything, it seems to have gotten worse as it becomes more and more real that he just ain’t coming back.

But I like and admire the person that I am still becoming. I feel liberated and challenged in so many ways. I am resilient indeed. I am thankful for all the many kindnesses that I have received from family, friends, and neighbors; it smooths and soothes the path to healing.

And dating, oh my that has been entertaining and of course a very welcome distraction. And the laughs, not to mention the material it has provided me for the blog, have been a gift!

I have ALWAYS loved men since I fell in love at age five with Johnny the Handyman; he had the most gorgeous blue eyes! Now I never write about the men I have actually met, but thought a quick (anonymous) update, might be in order now.

In six months I have met 10 men so far; all but one asked for a second date (Sheryl would probably blame that on my talking too much). However, most of the men were not so fortunate as to see me again. I am very discriminating after all. They have ranged in age from 49 to 80 (he had lied about his age, but google shared the truth). They were all Caucasian, although that was not my intent as I had “liked” or messaged men of all races. About a third were Jewish. And some, Laurie, are even dog lovers!! I am pretty sure none were Republicans, however, I am trying to expand my perspective and the line in the sand now is just NO pro-Trumpers! Ever!  

I probably spoke to a half dozen men over the phone who I did not end up meeting for assorted reasons. And I texted, for at least an hour or more, probably several dozen men. Honestly, everything that I write about is totally true and not at all embellished as one man suggested, all I had to add was my twisted sense of humor.

I have been astonished at the interest that I have received. I see myself as an old, if not too horrible-looking, Jewish grandmother, so why do so many men even want to meet me? Although the bathing suit photograph didn’t hurt. And I have discovered that I do enjoy dating men younger than I am, even MUCH younger!! There, I admitted it. Men have been doing it for centuries after all and I do have so much wisdom to impart.

I have met several really lovely men, many of whom have become friends. The more I date, the more I realize that I am definitely not ready to be in a significant relationship, but have I mentioned that I just love spending time with men?  One of my truly favorites is the Judge, who decided after a lovely brunch meeting that I live too far, so we have remained text buddies and he checks in with me every night to see how my day went and to offer me advice on a range of topics. God bless you, my friend!!

My criteria for dating is based primarily on intellectual capabilities plus social engagement with the world, a wicked sense of humor, knowing how to read helps and extra points for a great smile!

What I have learned about men in the 21st century: for the most part, whether in their 40s or 70s, they are just as juvenile as fifth grade boys! They giggle and get silly about sex. Yes really. And total strangers will text  me very intimate questions about my body parts. Oy vey. AND even request photographs (of an intimate type)! Unbelievable. The word “squirt”, which I had previously only associated with water guns has been mentioned to me as well multiple times. Oh my.

And there really should be lessons on kissing: Don’t use your tongue like you are drilling for oil, the hard probing approach is not so much a turn-on. The other BAD technique is the quick darting moves like you are attempting to catch flies. Just not that sexy. Do try for a slow and languorous approach as if you are enjoying something truly delectable. The best way to go, my male friends.

So in conclusion, I am stronger and more capable than I had suspected. Online dating is absolutely crazy and I still love kissing guys!!  I consider that significant progress in just 6 months!

One thought on “Reflections

  1. Yes of course you CAN … take out the garbage and pay the bills and all of that stuff that we all have been doing all our lives. Don’t want to say it… you CAN teach an old dog new tricks?

    You are only one person so really how much garbage do you create? You can probably do it once a week, don’t have to do it every time they collect.

    I totally agree with your use-of-the-tongue-while-kissing advice for the guys.

    Most people our age (probably any age) are not at all interested in dating at all for 6 months or a year after the loss of a spouse. Why do you suppose you are different in that way?

    Like

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